no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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