My liver just broke up with me...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
