If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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