You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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