Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
