if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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