I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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