bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
