so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
