i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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