I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
