My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
