i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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