I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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