Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
