____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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