Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
