I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
ttyl tear gas
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
