Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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