her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
