i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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