We won't sleep together?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
