My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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