he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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