I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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