i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
