It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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