I bet he comes in French.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
