yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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