just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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