god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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