Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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