We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
