But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
