i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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