Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
