I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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