i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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