Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
