she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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