Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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