I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
