Ambien. No doubt about it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
