my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize