I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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