New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
