apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
