After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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