Pappa wants mamma naked
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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