My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Life is so much better after having sex.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
