I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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