I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just pee around me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
