I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
