I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
