Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
