why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
