You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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