I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
