census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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