Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
