***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
