I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
