Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
