Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
