I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize