Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
