I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
