yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
