I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
