I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i out mim tonsoeep
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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