Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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