R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
