the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize