just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Come on in and take your pants off
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
