i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
