we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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