im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
