you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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