I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
