GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dicks are not precious.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
