haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
