I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They have beer where we have blood.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
