Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
