textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
