Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
