I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
