I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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