Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
