I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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