I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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