He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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