More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
