Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
