Where did you get a picture of my penis
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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