The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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